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Lubes & Lubricants: How To Keep Your Willy Wet

Whether your settling down for a long slow lovemaking session with that perfect guy or just getting ready to crank your own handle, the right lube can make the experience much more enjoyable.

Lubricants come in three basic types: petroleum, water based and silicone based lubricants. Each of these can have their own particular uses and limitations and they also feel differently on your hand or any other part of the body you intend to use it on. Lubes are available in any consistency you want; from thin as pre-cum to thick as Crisco. (And what kid hasn’t slathered a little bit of Crisco on his pud after getting home from school? O.K. fine, maybe it was just me.) Note: A lot of people like a thicker lube when engaging in anal intercourse. (See I don’t HAVE to say fucking) It’s also a good choice when you are looking to shove a plastic toy up your ass.

Obviously the type of lube you choose will depend on a few different factors: Are you beating the meat or doing some old fashioned fucking? If so, are you using a condom or barebacking it? Whatever the occasion, trust your old buddy Rick and I will give you the low down on making it slippery!

Silicone Based Lubes
Silicone based lubricants are not as new as many people think. Condom manufacturers have used them for quite a long time now. Silicone based lubes are becoming the most popular choice mainly because they do not dry up and get sticky like water based lubes. This makes it the perfect choice for an old fashioned wanking session. Silicone lubes are also safe to use with condoms.

Let me tell you now… Be sure to read the bottle carefully when you buy lubes. You know that favorite 18 inch black double dong dildo that you keep in the bottom drawer of your nightstand? Some silicone lubes are not compatible and will break them down or outright destroy them. This is especially true of the silicone or cyber skin toys. Another reason you should read the labels are there are some significant differences in quality between silicone lubes. For the best quality look for a lube that lists the number one ingredient as dimethicone. Dimethicone has a very lush and velvet-like feel to it. Silicone lubes also tend to be a little more expensive at the outset, but you save money in the long run by not having to use as much or constantly reapply them as they get dry and sticky.

Water Based Lubes

Again read the bottle. Many people tend to be allergic or develop irritated skin after using water based lubes. The major culprits in the ingredient list are:

Parabens: These are ingredients that end with the suffix “paraben”. One example is methylparaben, which is used as a preservative.

Glycerin or sorbitol: These are both very sweet and used as palatability enhancers. In other words, if you’re giving him a hand job and then decide to lean over and gobble it down, it won’t taste too bad.

Water based lubes are also safe to use on condoms and sex toys. They also tend to wash off in the shower quicker than silicone lubes. Also remember if your lube starts to get dry or tacky a little bit of spit will make it slick again. On the bright side, if you are one of the lucky few who can perform auto-fellatio you will never have a problem

Petroleum Based Lubes

These are your basic products that contain oils. You know the stuff… Baby oils, Vaseline etc. (And what kid hasn’t run home and…. Ah never mind. ) DO NOT… I repeat DO NOT… I don’t care how horny you are, USE A PETROLEUM BASED LUBE WITH A RUBBER. It will break down the condom and could leave you unprotected. Petroleum based lubes are messy and hard to wash off. There are better choices out there. I mean. It’s good in a pinch but some of them are so thick that it actually inhibits the pleasure process.

Now that we have looked at the familiar and prepackaged type of lubes, let’s look at a few of your other options.

Baby powder

Baby powder, which is made from either talc or cornstarch, has a very different type of feel to it than wet lubes. A lot of guys like the feel of a dry lube. Be sure to use generous amounts of the stuff on both your hand and your sausage and try not to get too much pre-cum mixed in or it will just cake up on you.


If you’re in the shower and every time you turn to the right your dick hits the wall you might feel like picking up the bar of soap or bottle of shampoo to alleviate your heavy burden. Either of these are likely to do the trick just be sure to wash off the suds well and immediately after. Soaps have a drying effect on the skin. If the skin on the head of your penis starts to peel, you’ll know you left it on too long. This is also true for shaving creams.

The Kitchen Pantry

The majority of the lubricants you will find are prepackaged, commercial concoctions however, if you haven’t found out by now there are ingredients that can become lubricants if used correctly.

Most kitchen fats, such as Crisco, lard and butter make messy but wonderful lubes. Blue cheese dressing is also a nice change of pace. Stay away from anything with too many spices or relish as an ingredient.

Lube Recipes

If you don’t mind this mess the following recipes make nice lubes and keep well. Note: These lubes contain petroleum byproducts. DO NOT use with condoms.

One quarter cup Vaseline
One quarter cup vegetable or olive oil

Mix thoroughly

The following is messy so you may want to try it in the shower. Also be careful of the ingredients in this one if you have sensitive skin.

Thoroughly mix together the following ingredients:
1 teaspoon baby oil
2 tablespoons hand lotion
2 tablespoons cold cream
3 tablespoons aloe vera gel

That’s it boys, have a wank on me!


3 Responses to “Lubes & Lubricants: How To Keep Your Willy Wet”

  1. Is Independence Overrated? Says:

    […] Tuesday started like any other hump day; woke up to a nice blow job (just a dream), had a huge stack of pancakes oozing with blueberry syrup (still dreaming, can’t have carbs) and answered a phone call from the boyfriends wannabe fag-hag extraordinaire sister (crap just woke up). Now I love my little man, and by virtue of that love I feel a need to love (read: tolerate) his family, you married guys know what I’m talking about, but damn don’t they make that impossible. Anyway, the Barbie reject calls in a panty twisted tizzy demanding that he road trip with her to their sisters boyfriends uncles sister in laws funeral……. Now far be it from me to deny someone their bereavement comforts, but damnit I just bought blue raspberry lube, and the dearly departed is a non blood relative thrice removed. Surely there has to be a don’t give a fuck opt out clause somewhere. Nope, no K Fed quality luck here. […]

  2. Threes Company Says:

    […] Taking Matt’s advice I packed some extra boxers to change in to after the gym, no freeballin tonight. After a quick stop at the porn store I was set with a new bottle of lube to christen the occasion and a variety pack of condoms (who knows what “some guy” is packing). I gave a passing thought to picking up some wine, but wasn’t sure if the occasion called for red or white; I settled on tequila. […]

  3. Five Easy Steps to Bring Sexy Back Says:

    […] A personal favorite of mine that you might enjoy is flavored lube. Nothing beats slurping on a raspberry flavored dicksicle. If flavoring your dick is “so last year” then head to the front of the store and ask the clerk if they have body paint (even better if it’s edible). It’s slippery, lets you give your man a thorough rub down, and less passé then massage oil. I know, you finally managed to make it to the porn store and now you have to talk to the help. Don’t worry, they’re used to timid folks, and probably won’t spank you unless you ask. […]

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