Rick’s Guide to Everything

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Marines and Transsexual Hookers

A friend of mine, Sean, came into town yesterday. He’s the one I spent New Years with up in Dallas. Remember the rich husband and huge house??? Anyway, after unpacking and everything we decided to go eat over at Chapultapec on Richmond, they have wonderful fresh spinach enchiladas that I get a craving for. Then we decided to hit a couple of the bars.

We ended up at Michaels Outpost. This is a dive kind of place but real friendly with a bartender there named Richard or Auntie Richard as we call him. He’s a scream. He was complaining that he had gained a few pounds, which was an obvious sign that his cheesecake diet wasn’t working very well. Anyway there was this drunk guy sitting to the right of me. And he says “Hey! Hey! Do you mind if I interrupt”? At least that’s pretty much what I think he said. He was really drunk. It actually sounded like “Hey… Da Mynah Tupt”? Anyway, he says, “I gotta joke for ya… What do you do when you come across an elephant? Huh? Huh? You wipe him off”! It took a second. I laughed politely then turned back to my friend and my beer.

I was trying to be nice. After all, I’ve been drunk and thought I was funny a couple of times. O.K. a lot. Whatever.

So my friend Sean is trying to tell me about a friend of his who is an ex marine. They got to chatting one day and the Marine mentioned that he had picked up a Tranny hooker when he was living in St. Louis. Now this friend of his is a butch ex marine, married with three kids. Just as Sean was about to let go with some really good gossip, the drunk starts in again… “Hey! Hey! What do you call a …”

Well needless to say, I didn’t want to spend the evening listening to a drunk telling jokes so we left. I never did find out about the marine and the transsexual hooker. I’ll pry it out of him tonight and let you know tomorrow.


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